In other words, is it working for you or is it not? Some couples can be joined at the hip—but it works fine for them.
For example, couples who run small businesses together or power couples who make sure there's time left in each other's schedules for exercise. Dependency is effective when we are very confident our partner believes in us, supports us, and is there for us. And when is dependency ineffective? When there is a sense of insecurity in the relationship. The problem is with the sense of insecurity, not with the dependency. Notice that we say "in the relationship" rather than talking about one person as insecure.
That is because it is a dyadic process—both partners share responsibility. If we're not sure if the person closest to us is available and has our back, we'll find it much harder to maintain focus and engage in life. Instead, we'll become preoccupied with our relationship and with our partner. Smitten: Why is spousal support so important to both men and women, and what does it do for us? In our society there's a misconception about gender: We tend to ascribe avoidant tendencies to men and anxious qualities to women.
But research shows that the majority of men and women are secure. And that we ALL need support. The fact is that when we become attached we become one psychological and physiological unit with our partner—that's just our biology. That's why having a good relationship has tremendous benefits both psychological and physical. When someone is in a good long-term relationship, being close to this person triggers the release of endorphins in our body.
Written by Jo Murphy June 3, Avoidant: you value independence, preferring autonomy to intimacy. Even though you may crave closeness, you maintain emotional distance, keeping an eye out for signs that a partner is impinging on your freedom. Undoing Attachment Jessica admits that she sees more women with an anxious attachment style, while more men show avoidant traits.
Latest posts. Related posts. Natural Remedies for Night Sweats. Jo Murphy Jo is a freelance writer and copywriter with qualifications in personal performance coaching, neurolinguistic programming, and yoga. And there are usually good reasons why you became that way; like anxieties in early childhood. Work on overcoming the wounds of the past, and make better relationships in the future. If you want to understand whether you are needy and clingy in a relationship or not, I suggest our free masterclass on love and intimacy.
Abandonment issues, insecure attachment , etc—all of these are a result of anxiety. Whitbourne suggests :. Whitbourne adds :. Bolster your resilience by developing coping strategies that both make you feel better and help you tackle the situations that are stressing you out.
Men have a built-in desire to be the provider and protector for their woman. Above all else, men want to act according to their instincts and on their own accord. And it goes to the heart of why clingy girlfriends and wives need to give their partners the freedom to be their hero.
James Bauer, the relationship psychologist who coined the term, has created an excellent video about it. Watch the video here. And that she respects him for this. I know it might all seem kind of silly.
The hero instinct is an instinctive need that men have to step up to the plate for the woman in his life. This is deeply rooted in male biology. Although women may not need a hero, a man is compelled to be one. And if you want him to be happy in your relationship, then you have to let him.
The trick is to make him feel like a hero in an authentic way. James Bauer outlines what you can do in his free video. I think it could be a game changer for a lot of relationships. People find themselves in a relationship, and they suddenly neglect their personal growth and development. According to psychologist Suzanne Lachmann:. Lachmann adds :. If you want to stop being clingy and needy, you need to really claim ownership of your personal power.
Psychologists Rob Pascale and Lou Primavera add :. Free yourself of all those negative thoughts. If something bad happens, it will happen. But before then, save yourself the trouble.
One of the main reasons why we hold onto our partners so much is because we are afraid of losing them. So if you want to be less clingy and more happily secure in your relationship, build your self-confidence.
Take care of yourself physically and mentally. Develop your own career. Pursue what gives you meaning. All of this can help build your confidence. But try to give your partner more space. He explains :. Time together is certainly one gauge of how strong the love is. So allow your partner space to breathe. Simply put, men have a biological drive to feel essential to the woman in his life.
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